Friendship in Old Age: 4 Tips to Stay Social and Connected

Last Updated on September 17, 2026

Friendship can literally be a lifesaver. Keith Clark, an 85-year-old from South Dakota, discovered this during a terrifying moment in 2019. Clark was on his usual morning walk with two close friends, Bill Winness and Ray Smidt, when he suddenly felt dizzy and had to sit down. What happened next proves just how vital our social connections are.

After Clark waved his friends on, assuring them he’d catch up, a passerby noticed he was having a heart attack. Winness rushed back with an emergency defibrillator and used his CPR training to keep his friend alive until paramedics arrived. Those crucial minutes of care from a dear friend made all the difference. Clark recovered fully, grateful not just to be alive but for friends who shared more than morning walks: they shared a commitment to being there when it mattered most.

Older friends walking and talking together — *Friendship can be a lifesaver in old age.*

Stories like Keith’s highlight something many of us take for granted: the profound impact friendships have on our lives. Yet in retirement, friendship can feel more like a puzzle than a clear path. Friends become harder to find as circumstances change, and we give little thought to actively nurturing these relationships.

That habit of ranking friendships below family, grandchildren and spouses deserves a second look. Research published in Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences found that friendships in mature adults were associated with better physical health, healthier behaviours and improved mental health across the board.

“In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” explains Rebecca Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship.” Researchers are catching up, and what they’re finding might surprise you.

Why we undervalue friendship in old age

To many people, friendship in later life seems more like a puzzle than a clear path. Friends are harder to come by as you age, that’s certain. But most of us give little more than a passing thought to the quality of those friendships.

Partly that’s about shifting priorities: grandchildren, children, spouses, siblings and parents come first, and friends sit at the bottom of the pecking order. That’s true not only for seniors but for science as well; researchers have only recently begun studying the links between friendship and overall wellbeing in older adults.

Older friends laughing together at a gathering — *People often underestimate the value of friendship in old age.*

Friendship has always mattered

Throughout history, friendship has held a place of honour. Both Confucius and Aristotle spoke reverently of relationships that provide companionship into later life, particularly as sources of moral guidance and wisdom.

In prehistoric times, close friendships were essential for survival. Obtaining food and water required dangerous group activities like hunting and gathering, and trusted companions made those endeavours safer and more successful. Early friendships also supported child-rearing; researchers note that early humans with strong social bonds were better adapted to raising children successfully.

“Friendships are an important class of relationships that evolved in response to the benefits of having additional people beyond family invested in one’s welfare,” says Debra Lieberman, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami.

Statue representing classical philosophy on friendship — *Confucius and Aristotle both honoured friendships that provide companionship and moral guidance.*

Loneliness is a modern global health threat

Modern conveniences have made daily survival far easier than it was thousands of years ago, but our need for meaningful friendships has only intensified. The World Health Organization made loneliness a global health priority in 2023, launching a Commission on Social Connection to address what has become an urgent public health crisis.

The commission is co-chaired by US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy and African Union Youth Envoy Chido Mpemba, reflecting the international scope of the challenge. Dr Murthy has written that loneliness “harms both individual and societal health” and “is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.”

The numbers are sobering. Data from the University of Michigan’s National Poll on Healthy Aging shows lonely US adults increased from 27% in 2018 to 34% in 2023, and nearly half of Americans reported losing touch with at least one friend during the pandemic.

This isn’t uniquely American. Australia is an ageing society, and loneliness and social isolation have always been real-life issues for older people, as Judy Lowthian, a principal research fellow at Bolton Clarke, has noted. COVID made things worse: lockdowns disrupted the regular coping strategies of countless Australian seniors, including volunteering, community activities and social clubs.

“You must understand that, for me, lonely is the norm,” one Australian senior told researchers from Monash University. “Pre-COVID, I would get some respite by going out on activities, but the lockdown killed all of them.”

Today, loneliness is a daily experience for one in five older Australians, with rates even higher among those in aged care. The people researchers interviewed spoke openly about how devastating it can be. “You get teary for the want of human company,” one woman admitted.

An older person looking out a window alone — *Older people’s need for enduring friendship has become markedly evident in recent years.*

Friendship beats diet and exercise, say experts

Here’s where the research gets remarkable. A Harvard study found that among initially healthy people followed over time, loneliness was associated with a 26% increase in the risk of premature death, social isolation with a 29% increase, and living alone with a 32% escalation in mortality risk.

On the flip side, researchers at Flinders University here in Australia found that adults who maintain more friendships are 22 per cent less likely to die within a 10-year period than those with fewer friends. In Sweden, a six-year study of middle-aged men found that having more friends reduced the risk of heart attack or fatal coronary heart disease more effectively than having a life partner.

“We need an entire community to feel whole,” says Marisa Franco, author and professor of psychology at the University of Maryland. “Being around different people brings out different sides of our own identity.”

Scientists have several theories about why friendship benefits health so dramatically. Friends help us cope with stress and anxiety, both damaging to physical health. Socially isolated people produce more cortisol through the day, which is associated with cardiovascular disease and higher mortality.

In fascinating studies, people standing next to a friend rated climbing a steep hill as less challenging than those alone. In another experiment, volunteers given a cold virus were less likely to develop symptoms if they had stronger social ties.

Four tips to keep old friends and make new ones

Building and maintaining friendships in retirement takes more deliberate effort than it did when you were younger. Your social circle naturally shrinks as friends move, face health challenges or pass away. You might attend more funerals, have less energy for socialising, or be navigating empty nesting, divorce or widowhood.

Don’t let that discourage you. Here are four research-backed strategies for building meaningful connections.

1. Let your interests guide you

Think back to how you met your closest friends. Did you volunteer for a cause? Take a class? Join a team?

“Friendships are always about something,” says William K. Rawlins, a communications scholar and expert on modern friendship. “Common passions help people bond at a personal level, and they bridge people of different ages and life experiences.”

Whatever sparks your curiosity, someone else shares it. Use your passions as a compass:

Love gardening? Join community gardens or a local garden club.
Enjoy reading? Find a nearby book club or start one.
Interested in history? Volunteer at museums or historical societies.
Want to stay active? Join walking groups, tennis clubs or fitness classes.
Enjoy crafts? Try quilting circles, woodworking clubs or art classes.

Community centres, libraries, churches and neighbourhood associations offer excellent opportunities to meet like-minded people while doing things you genuinely enjoy.

Seniors at a community club activity — *Clubs and neighbourhood associations are great places to nurture new friendships.*

2. Take the initiative

Most experts agree: waiting for others to reach out is a recipe for loneliness.

“You don’t need to wait for anyone to reach out to you and take the first step,” says Amber O’Brien, a psychologist. “Become the kind initiator, even if you’re an introvert.”

Franco suggests assuming people like you, because they probably do. “People like you more than you think,” she explains. “I know it’s scary to reach out, but it’s likely to end more positively than your brain is assuming.”

Start small: a simple text message. Look through your contacts and reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to reconnect with, or send a friendly note to a new acquaintance. A simple “I was thinking about you and wondering how you’ve been” can open doors.

3. Express your appreciation

When someone reaches out, whether for coffee, lunch or a chat, tell them how much you appreciate it. Research shows this is crucial for building strong connections. University of Utah researchers tracked students’ interactions with new acquaintances over three months and found close friendships were far more likely to form when people openly expressed affection and appreciation for each other’s efforts.

“When we don’t express affection, we are at risk of losing the friendship itself,” Franco warns. Don’t assume people know you value them. Say it directly: “I’m so glad you called,” or “It means a lot that you thought to invite me.”

Two older friends sharing coffee — *If a friend reaches out, tell them how glad you are they did.*

4. Invite a friend to a planned activity

If finding extra time for socialising is hard, invite friends to join things already on your schedule. It makes friendship-building less overwhelming while enriching what you’re already doing.

Invite someone along to your morning walk or gym session.
Ask a friend to join a grocery run, then grab lunch after.
Suggest coffee before a medical appointment.
Bring someone to a concert, lecture or community event you were attending anyway.

“You do have to put yourself out there,” says Janice McCabe, associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College and a friendship researcher. “There’s a chance the person will say no. But there’s also the chance they’ll say yes, and something really great could happen.”

Nurturing friendships takes time, and not every attempt leads to a deep connection. Don’t let occasional disappointments discourage you: one genuine friend is worth many unsuccessful attempts.

A senior woman relaxing in a hammock with a book — *Friendship in old age requires initiative and intent.*

Good friends are worth the work

Friendship, like everything valuable, needs care and maintenance to flourish. That might surprise anyone who’s drifted into complacency about their social connections over the years. But the effort pays dividends far beyond companionship.

Our friendships are small portraits of who we are, how we’ve grown and what we value. “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are,” goes the saying, and our social connections in retirement genuinely reflect our character and priorities.

We celebrate weddings, anniversaries and family reunions, but rarely celebrate our friendships with the same enthusiasm. Perhaps social media has made it too easy to maintain superficial connections with minimal effort. But without investing in face-to-face time and genuine care beyond emojis and likes, we miss the deeper connections that research shows make our lives more meaningful, happier and healthier.

Your friendships during retirement can be some of the most rewarding relationships of your life. You have the wisdom of experience, often more time, and the freedom to choose companions based purely on shared interests and mutual affection rather than work obligations or convenience.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to lose friends as I get older?

Yes, it’s completely normal for your social circle to change at this life stage. Friends move, face health challenges or pass away, and transitions like retirement, empty nesting or losing a spouse affect existing friendships. The key is recognising it as natural while actively maintaining connections and creating new ones.

How many close friends do I need for good health?

Quality matters more than quantity. Research suggests even one or two close, supportive friends can significantly affect your wellbeing. The goal isn’t a large network but meaningful relationships where you feel understood, valued and cared for.

I’m introverted. How do I make friends without feeling overwhelmed?

Introverts often excel at deep one-on-one connections. Start small, with activities related to your genuine interests, so conversation flows naturally around shared passions. Focus on quality interactions over quantity, and remember many introverts prefer smaller gatherings, which can lead to stronger bonds.

I’ve been out of touch for years. Is it too late to reconnect?

It’s never too late. Many people are delighted to hear from someone from their past. Start with a simple message saying you’ve been thinking about them. Don’t overthink it; most people understand life gets busy and are happy to re-establish contact, especially in retirement when schedules are more flexible.

How do I handle friendships when health becomes a factor?

Be honest about your limitations while focusing on what you can do rather than what you can’t. Adapt activities: if walking becomes difficult, suggest coffee instead. True friends will appreciate your honesty and help find ways to keep the connection going.

Should I keep friendships that feel one-sided or draining?

Healthy friendships involve mutual support, though the balance can shift temporarily during hard times. If a friendship consistently feels draining despite your efforts, it may be healthier to let it fade naturally. Focus your energy on relationships that bring mutual joy.

How can technology help me maintain friendships?

Video calls, messaging apps and social media are wonderful for staying connected, especially with distant friends. But research shows face-to-face interaction provides unique health benefits, so balance digital communication with in-person meetings where you can.